Nihilist Arby’s has left the Earth to go dwell in a hell that it didn’t believe in. The account has been suspended because it was found guilty of roping us into a pessimistic, unproductive and damaging nihilist perspective. Furthermore, it constantly promoted stupid sandwiches and fake cheese sauce. Read more
I haven’t washed my hands today, nor will I let any silly regulations tell me to do so. Now our political representatives are starting to jump on board.
America is “one of the most regulated nations in the history of the planet.” according to Senator Thom Tillis. Senator Tillis also explained that he would support Starbucks opting out of the “Employees Must Wash Hands” regulation as long as they post a sign that says they will opt out. Read more
I love carbonated milk. Unfortunately, Coca-Cola’s new milk product does not provide the same fizzy sensation as their soda. But Fairlife, the name of Coca-Cola’s milk, still has the potential to change a once saturated market. Read more
Nick is eating the new Taco Bell Quesalupa. Taco Bell, America’s most authentic Mexican restaurant, has released its latest genius invention in the test market of Toledo, Ohio. The Quesalupa is a chalupa with a PizzaHut stuffed crust shell. No? Then it’s a flaky shell inspired by mozzerella sticks? Um, it’s a taco inside a quesadilla?
Whatever it is, it is filled with cheese! And cheese sells. Cheese sells better than sex sells. Sure, quesadillas are filled with cheese too but the Quesalupa has beef… kind of like a beef quesadilla… but it’s different.
It appears that for many the big breakthrough is THE QUESALUPA HAS MELTED PEPPER JACK CHEESE BAKED DIRECTLY INTO THE SHELL. What baked into the what?! Oh Brave New World, what kind of food science innovations will Taco Bell labs uncover next? Cheese has not been baked into a shell since… since the Quesarito. But if you are not impressed, you are missing the point. The point is cheese. We can see from research that America is more passionate about food when a higher percentage of its ingredients are stuffed with cheese.
Nutritional information has yet to be published, but if this truly is some kind of chalupa and quesadilla hybrid, we can expect Taco Bell’s Quesalupa to have 800 calories, 400 calories from fat, 90 mg of cholesterol and 1,000 mg of sodium. The American Heart Association recommends that you have 1,500 mg of sodium per day, so go get it you poor sodium-starved Ohioans.
Regardless of what it actually is and what value it can provide nutritionally, one thing is clear: The quesalupa is not a “case of lupus” as Conan misunderstood. Or maybe it is. I guess Toledo will have to tell us. #caseoflupus
I used to stand for conscious eating. Once upon a time I passionately promoted thinking about what we are eating, why we eat and the impact it has. Nihilist Arby’s says otherwise. Nihilist’s Arby’s says “No one cares. Life is pain.” Read more
“Normally I don’t eat whipped cream,” I said to my girlfriend as I sheepishly grabbed the knife and slathered it on my crepe. It reminded me of days when I used to spread soft butter on warm pancakes. “Buuut I’m trying to get fat so I probably should eat it.” I was joking but also telling the truth. A lofty and ambitious goal of summiting Mount Washington this February has me diligently preparing everything from acquiring mondo fluffy mitts to stretching out my previously injured achilles tendon to packing on a few pounds for a little extra warmth. The only problem with the last one is I fucking hate whipped cream. Read more
I couldn’t sleep last night because bills touting GMO labeling laws were bouncing around my in my head. These are the things that keep me awake. I was intrigued by a comment in an article that I found on Rep. Mike Pompeo’s twitter (the guy who wrote HR4432) that said “anyone else that wants to avoid GMOs can simply buy organic.” Read more
Whew! That title is a mouthful but there really is no way to abbreviate these things. What does all of this mean? Beats me. But after a few hours of research, deciphering congressional bill lingo, and being entertained by some very passionate blogs, it became clear to me that if you care about how GMO food is labeled, this is a match up that YOU NEED TO FOLLOW. There is a battle going down right now with legislation that directly influences GMO labeling. To help you get started, here is some background information on the two contenders: Read more
The Sports Center at Chelsea Piers is an amazing fitness club. I’ve been spoiling myself with this health and athletic haven since the summer. I love everything about it – from the 400M indoor track to the rock climbing wall, from the sand volleyball court to the cafe. But today at the cafe, I was presented with a discouraging protein snack option – Protein Brownie. Read more
I eat a lot of Chipotle. Many of you know this from my Adventurrito craze. Giant burritos wrapped in shiny foil have become a staple in my diet for many reasons: delicious vegan options, a yummy dose of all essential amino acids, and food sourced “with integrity.” However, this last reason was called into question today during my (bi)weekly Chipotle visit, a visit which also called into question Chipotle’s “integrity.” Read more